Unhooked Generation | by Jillian Straus

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Single men and women in their twenties and thirties who are finding it harder than ever to find lasting love.

If this definition applies to you then you are just like me. At the age of thirty, I, like many of my male and female friends, found myself single and wondering why finding love seemed so much more difficult today than it was for our parents. I wanted to find out, if I could, why the search for love and commitment had become such an angst-ridden journey. I started by interviewing a hundred single people throughout the country. These men and women revealed intimate details about their love lives and sex lives, sharing experiences they have never revealed to friends, lovers or therapists. Through their compelling stories I discovered that it is not that we individually incapable of relationships (or that our partners are) rather, the problem is much deeper. Today, romance and commitment are a foreign land to us. We are searching for love in an uncommitted world.

Unhooked Generation is my story, the story of my peers, and of generation X, perhaps it is your story too. It is my hope that through the stories of these single men and women that you will recognize yourself and begin to understand how our generation's approach to relationships can be counterproductive. Along the way you will see terms, from "friends with benefits" to what I call the "DTR" the defining the relationship conversation, that hopefully will make you laugh and nod with recognition. I will also share the secrets of happy couples that will teach us how to side-step the landmines on the road to long-term love once and for all. Whether you are single or a in a committed relationship I hope that Unhooked Generation will help you approach your relationships differently, as it did for me.

READING GROUP QUESTIONS

The author suggests that having a very specific checklist can be detrimental to finding a partner. Do you agree? Why or Why not?

Do you think contradictory gender roles in relationships play a big part in keeping men and women of this generation apart? Has this ever been an issue in your own relationships?

How have your favorite television shows and movies affected your own perception of marriage and commitment?

The author argues that "chemistry" is the enticement of a union, not the glue that keeps a romantic union together. What role do you think chemistry should play in a long-term relationship?

The book raises the provocative point that "compromise" has been labeled negatively by this generation as "settling." Do you think this generation has overly high expectations for a partner, as well as for marriage itself?

The author blames technology for some of this generation’s romantic problems. How do you feel IM, text messaging and email impacts courtship?

Do you think you and your peers have overly romantic notions about what elements are important in a lifetime union? How have these notions changed over time?

The book discusses ‘deal breakers’ on dates. What are some of your deal breakers?

Has Internet dating created a "kid in a candy store mentality?" Have people been so overwhelmed by choices, that they don’t give anyone a chance? Or, does Internet dating feed into the checklist theory, and cause people to keep searching for their perfect match?

The book argues that "casual consumer sex" can inhibit relationships? Do you agree? Why?

How much does fear of divorce impact your perception of marriage?Which story in the book do you relate to most?

What, if anything, did you learn from the book? Is there something specific that you will do differently in your relationships because you read Unhooked Generation?