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Unhooked Generation Jillian Straus

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Wednesday Jan 18, 2006 07:49 PM

“Bachelor Blog”

Happy New Year! I am thrilled to welcome you to the "Unhooked Generation" blog. It's just a couple of weeks until "Unhooked Generation" will arrive in bookstores! I also want to thank everyone who came to my book party last Tuesday. It was a please to meet all of you and answer your great questions about the book. If you have any questions you didn't get to ask, feel free to email me--I'd love to hear from you.

"The Bachelor" is back, this time in Paris. The location is a brilliant ratings-booster for this tiresome series but I need to vent about the latest installment of the show. From the doctor who declares on the first night that she desperately needs to "reproduce" because her eggs are "rotten," to the woman who carves fake teeth out of an orange rind, I am blushing with embarrassment for these young women. In addition to the fact that they make fools of themselves to capture the heart of a man they don't even know, they seem to actually forget that they are on television. While we all have that tragic urge to know why someone of the opposite sex rejects us, demanding the answer and asking if it is your "small boobs" or career in front of millions is ripe for humiliation. And if you have to ask after you've declared on first meeting that you need to "reproduce," than clearly you're not very self aware. I guess what this leads me to is the question of whether this show makes viewers more or less hopeful about their chances of finding lasting love.

While our mothers grew up on "Cinderalla" and "Snow White," these are the fairytales of our generation. Shows like "The Bachelor" turn the search for love into a game of mix-and-match choices, luxury dates, public breakups and hollow commitments. The show actually makes me feel pretty cynical about love. I'd like to think that there is something special between two people that connects them and motivates them to actually commit to one another. On this show attractive men and women are simply thrown together and the women, in this case, are forced to audition for the role of wife without even knowing if there is any real connection with the handsome doctor. Ok, so so he's attractive and successful, who wouldn't want a date with him? But just because he is a "good catch" and hands you a rose doesn't mean there is a connection and the potential for true love and commitment. I think it's easy to dismiss these shows as light entertainment, but I wonder if the prevailing message that love is mostly about looks and buying power is taking its toll on all of us. I find myself relieved on the rare occasion when a woman actually says, "I don't want a rose. I just don't see anything between us." How does this show make you feel about your chances of finding true, lasting love?

READ COMMENTS TO "Bachelor Blog"

Jillian:

Thank you for writing this book. I am anxious to purchase a copy when it hits the shelves. I just happened to read about it on the web and thought "Aha! That sounds like me." While I realize that you did not write this book by interviewing gay men, I have a feeling that by reading your book that I may gain some insight into my own search for "the one".

I am a 35 year old single gay male who has been told by friends that I am physically attractive. I am at the top of my professional career with a position that pays extremely well. I am friendly, I have the "right" house, car, clothes, etc., plus I'm a pretty easy going guy. I've done all the "things" that I thought you were supposed to "do" in order to make you "attractive" in the search for "the one". The above may sound somewhat arrogant, or shallow, but truthfully I'm a pretty down to earth friendly guy when you meet me and get to know me. I've been single now for 3 years with no promising prospects, in an area where the population is not small. What's funny is that women seem to find me and what I've got going on attractive, but I am scratching my head as to what in the world to "do" in order to find the right guy to settle down with. I thought the problem might be where I lived, but after reading the excerpt from your book on the web, I'm thinking maybe the problem is not geographical. I've taken a hard look inside myself to find some big psychological "insight" into what might be "wrong" with me, but I actually didn't come up with any psychological boogeyman. In other words, I don't think the problem is any deep internal issue, and I think that I'm pretty much an o.k. guy. Maybe the answer is that it's a GEN X generational phenomenon that is bigger than something I'm doing or not doing. But if that's the case, what, as an individual, can I do to make sure that the generational phenomenon doesn't take me down with it? I have observed this same "phenomenon" hitting some of my male and female straight friends hard in their search for love, so I know I'm not alone.
Obviously I'm looking for answers. Though I realize one book can't provide all the answers, maybe your book can provide a perspective that I apparently lack. Though not desperate, I am frustrated and anxious to hear any opinion that is insightful. So I guess I'm saying thank you in advance for any advice that your book may contain. Have a great year in 2006.

Brandon 35 S

Posted By: Brandon 35 S  |  Saturday Jan 21, 2006 02:33 PM   Top



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